About Wayfaring Stranger

Traveler.

You’re ugly.

“You’re ugly” I hear this whispered to me as I guide clients through the protesters.
What? That’s weird, is all I think then I go on back to where I was standing.
She walks up to me and a little bit louder this time she says, “you’re ugly.” Well that is a strange thing to say but all right. I don’t say anything.
You see, I’m not out here to be pretty, or cute. I’m out here to guide clients into the clinic, to help terrified people not feel so alone, I’m here to normalize abortion.
“Who is that on your necklace ?” Repeated several times , “well whoever she is, she’s pretty ugly. Are you related? I feel sorry for you but I can tell.”
Well, the woman on my necklace is Frida Kahlo, who funnily enough revolted against modern ideas of beauty by donning a rebozo ( a traditional Mexican article of clothing), and incorporating her facial hair ( oh my so unbecoming!) in her self portraits.
All of the clients are inside. The escorts are gathered together to just have a final chat about the morning….
“There’s a rip in your dress…”she leans in” your dress is ripping. You know, there’s a way to fix that and it isn’t a needle and thread….it isn’t a needle and thread!”
I’m fat. Good job. You have eyes. Also, good eye for spotting the quarter inch hole along the side seam of my skirt. Well, let me start off by saying I bought the skirt because it was 75% off because it had a hole in it combine that with laziness and general nonchalance over small things like that and you have….something that doesn’t really matter.
The whole situation was just so banal and rude.
I am ugly to her and I’m sure quite a few others on this planet populated by 7.2 billion people, that’s quite all right. What isn’t all right is bullying.
Telling men they aren’t “real men unless you drag her out of there right now”. Telling women they’re selfish and they don’t know how to handle their own bodies.
Bullying is ugly.

Laughter And Self Assessment

Yesterday on the sidewalk I was given a stern talking to by one of the protesters. I hadn’t said anything to her, I was standing in my usual spot by the entrance. She enjoys singling me out and telling me all about how ‘our race’ must be ‘preserved’ which is a disturbing thing to say on so many levels. I do not believe in the preservation of my ‘race’. Cultures are important, cultural history and racial history is all very important to me, but you can’t use the same rhetoric that horrible bigots use and endear me to your cause…

The thing about this woman is that she will wax poetic about racial issues and genocide and the ‘holocaust’ for our race for quite some time, its boring, its strange, its difficult not to laugh in her face.

Anyway this protestor finally leaves me alone and a few minutes later two other escorts and I are talking and something is said by this protestor off to our left which just strikes all of us as such an intensely ridiculous thing to say. As an escort I deeply believe in deescalation and normalization. In general I believe in deescalation. When I commented to the other escorts around me in a quiet voice about what this protestor said I didn’t think about deescalation, I certainly didn’t believe the protestor could hear me, I wasn’t trying to goad anybody. Maybe she heard me, maybe she didn’t, this person in particular any time she hears me laugh assumes it has to do with her and will weave her thoughts about escorts “mocking” her into her spiel being shouted at the glass doors, this is the first time it really did have anything to do with her. I laugh often and easily, I’m very expressive, almost effusive and its problematic when people are so self centered. So I’m dealing with guilt. Then the question of should I even feel guilty? How can I change? should I change? I don’t even think I can, does that mean I shouldn’t be an escort since some of the ridiculous things people say just catches me so off guard that I physically can not stop myself from some sort of facial expression?

As I mentioned earlier I laugh often and easily, in the slow periods during which I’m standing next to someone a funny story is generally brought up by one of us, I think thats humor is a pretty natural part of human interaction. And as I’ve said, its not meant to antagonize anybody, but it does.

The Adoption Fetish

The fetishization of adoption amongst middle class and upper class conservative christian whites first became apparent to me when I was attending high school. My school was strongly tied to a Southern Baptist church so much so that the head pastor’s children attended my school and his wife taught our bible class (which consisted of watching Veggie Tales((rather juvenile for sophomores in high school, right?))). The pastor and his wife adopted a Chinese baby from an orphanage in which children were abused via ignorance of their basic humans. The child has been left by the road upon her birth and would have most likely lead a terrible life without the rescue of these rich white americans.Why do I know all of this? Because of course,  it isn’t enough to add a member to your family out of love, you have to drive home the financial sacrifice you have made to adopt a hopeless and helpless child coming from an impoverished situation, otherwise your contribution isn’t public….and that isn’t any fun, is it? Following this adoption by the head pastor and the story of salvation of a little Chinese girl there was a rash of trendy adoption of African and Asian children within the church’s upper echelon of wealthy partitioners.  All of the horror stories of these children’s backgrounds were made publicly known, and yet none of us knew anything about the little girls (all of the children adopted were female) themselves. It was creepy, the fad of adoption.

Adoption is wonderful, people shouldn’t be mistreated, its terrible that orphanages like this exist. I agree.  Adopting children then spreading the story of their backgrounds and constantly reminding them of their “otherness” and how wonderful of a savior you and your family are is ALSO awful. That is not an addition to the family, its the addition of an accessory with a neat story, and that saddens me.

So when protestors say there are Christian families who would love to adopt the patient’s child, this often comes to mind. I will say no, not everyone who adopts is like this, not all christians are like this, not all christians who adopt children are like this. But the fact that this even EXISTS is problematic.

Threatening People Isn’t A Great Way To Win Them Over, Ya Know?

The antis on the sidewalk often approach escorts and clients with an attempt to intimidate by way of instilling fear. How? With clients and their companions there are threats of how “you’ll regret this because you’re killing your baby.” . To male companions of the clients, “ You’re not a real man! If you were a *real* man you would take her out of there.” , “you aren’t a real man if you let her do this, you’re a weasel.” The protestors trying oh so hard to instill fear of a loss of gender identity to men unless they physically stop the clients from entering the building. Its just strange that they would use such a tactless approach. I’ve come to feel that the protestors who use this are not there for the clients and to help them, but for personal gratification, otherwise they might become introspective about their methods.

Anyway. The escorts are threatened with jail, this morning two of us were verbally attacked by the same protestor. The protestor attempted to block physically block clients as they crossed the line on the sidewalk marking the area where the protestors couldn’t follow. The escorts did their best to stand in such a way which would keep the protestor from physically contacting or blocking the client at which point this protestor noted that the only way to draw attention to themselves was to feign some sort of physical altercation. The protestor backed up and started howling about how we almost knocked them over!” How dare you!”. The second altercation was quite similar, but instead of simply saying, “ how dare you”, she stood as close to the line as possible (as is her way) and said , “WE have FOUR cameras watching you. I’d hate to see you go to jail for doing this to me….” and on and on and on. My only response to this person has become, “Stop harassing me.”, this particular person is also well known to me for spouting her racism at me every time I’m present.

I’m just confused about what world the antis live in, they’re so amazingly narcissistic.

This morning though there were 14 clients, 10 Antis and 8 escorts. So at least there was a good number of escorts to watch out for each other and to witness the awful behavior of these people.

Edit/ P.S.

This protestor seeks some sort of hierarchy within the escorts, when they feel threatened this A* seeks out a specific escort ( I’ve witnessed this occurrence multiple times over my time of escorting) and tells the escort to control another one of us. There is no leadership here, no hierarchy and for that I am so grateful. Upon informing the A of this however, the A turned this into a weapon against the escort who is nothing if not kind and engaging with us, ” Well, you act like you’re in charge.” sarcastic and biting to be sure. I’m just amused at this pattern this A has when they don’t get a reaction out of the initial escort they’re threatening they approach this particular escort and badger them incessantly.

 

A*=Anti/ Protestor

A black glove

When I was escorting about two weeks ago a black glove was found on the sidewalk, a group of clients had just entered the clinic and at first several escorts turned to each other holding the glove and asking if any of us had lost it. No? I went inside with it to ask this time if any of the clients were missing a black glove, I held it up. No.

When I got back outside I stood in front of the doors and asked once more. Ah, yes, the protestor who is so very rude to me was the owner of the glove, “Are you sure you don’t want to just go ahead and keep it?” she sneered.

I was shocked, was I being rude? Had I inadvertently said something awful to her when offering her the glove? No. “Excuse me? What do you mean?”I said as she put on her gloves and straightened her shoulders, “Well, you know, you’re just gonna get in trouble. No good deed goes unpunished.” she said as she looked at me over her spectacles. First of all, what a terribly rude and cynical thing to say, lady, you’re looking way too much into me just giving you back what you dropped when you were harassing people and trying to hand them a tiny plastic fetus, okay?

Its important to take a breath and realize why I’m there. I’m not there to discuss politics, religion, or how to be a decent human being with protestors, I’m there for the clients. To delve so deep into the meaning of every footfall and side glance of an anti is counterproductive and unhealthy for me. That being said, if it seems to distract the antis from harassing clients even for a few minutes, then I will gladly take their negative comments.

It makes me sad though, that these people believe that evil permeates us to the point wherein common courtesy (aka returning your glove) is something unfathomable for us to do. Once again, calm down, and maybe take this basic situation as a lesson that we are not evil, and perhaps a reality check is necessary?

-Anarchist Bee

Racism and Antis

I remember when I first started escorting a little more than a year ago I was pretty shocked by the protestors, how they verbally assaulted clients made me terribly upset, and over time I’ve been able to ignore their lies. However, one thing that hits me and churns my stomach to this day is racism from the antis. “Honey,” they say  as if they are speaking to some poor, innocent, stupid, girl, “You are assisting with the holocaust of your race. Don’t you know what you’re doing to your people? Why are you here, honey? Why are you doing this? You don’t need to do this.” The HOLOCAUST of my race? There are so many problems with that statement alone! Comparing abortion to the holocaust is disrespectful to those who suffered. Furthermore, so many of the anti’s remarks are based on assumptions, they see a young woman and an older woman they assume its a “girl and her mother” or a young woman and a young man, they ASSUME he is the father. Its just ridiculous, but this assumption that they know my “race” (a meaningless term for me) is highly offensive, due to the color of my skin and my hair they feel as if somehow I’m being tricked as an African American to be on the sidewalk! That I don’t know what these terrible people are doing to MY people, its frustrating. Finally I told the greatest offender, “You know, you’re racist. You don’t know me, you don’t my “race”.”

Her response? “Well you don’t look Chinese to me. I’m not racist, look this is my adopted family.” *she pulls out a picture kept in her papers of a dark skinned family* I laughed so hard. THIS was a really great example of, “I’m not racist I have black friends.” I thought to myself. WELL, the anti next to this woman said exactly that. I laughed at their ignorance. Anyway, now both of them come up to me and stage whisper like high school girls, “She’s the one who said we’re racist, like she even knows what that means!”

The problem to me with assuming anything about “race” is that you are categorizing people, and THAT is problematic. They assume your racial background and treat you accordingly, HOW IS THAT NOT RACIST?

-Anarchist Bee