C-Words ~ by KYBorn

No, not that C-word. I couldn’t resist a chance to say, “Made You Look,” which seemed to be the height of wit when we were all in kindergarten. Yes, I do have a point. Stay with me. I promise I’ll get there.

Last week, when a couple of the escorts asked me to write an article for Every Saturday Morning, I was flattered. Since then, I have had the pleasure of joining a few of them on the sidewalk in Louisville for the morning. I appreciate that they took the time to show me what they, clients and companions experience five days a week. I am still processing some of my first escorting experience but I do plan to write about it at some point. The first time I wrote about antis not understanding what the word “censorship” means. Actually being on the sidewalk really drove home the point that there are a lot of other C-words antis don’t understand the meaning of.

I’m going to skip over the obvious ones. By now, everyone knows that “choice” is the F-dash-dash-dash word, the Queen Mother of all dirty words (to steal a line from the movie “A Christmas Story”) to anti-choice protesters. “Contraception” seems on the way to becoming almost as bad. At best, it is considered a gateway drug to abortion and at worst, it is considered exactly the same as having an abortion.

One fairly new phrase that seems to be creeping into the mix is the line that all women have abortions for “comfort and convenience.”  Antis act as if there is a big box on patient registration forms or on surveys designed to collect health information labeled “comfort and convenience” that all women check. Women have abortions for a variety of reasons that they do not have to share with or justify to anyone. Antis have taken research on reasons women give for having abortions and lumped almost all of them under their new, re-labeled category of comfort and convenience.

As usual, they miss the mark completely. Not having health insurance and not being able to pay for the cost of labor and delivery is not a matter of comfort and convenience. Not being able to keep a roof over your own head, or the heads of existing dependents because you live month to month and can’t take what is going to be a minimum of 6 weeks off work without pay is not a matter of comfort and convenience. Not wanting to be forced to go through the painful process of labor and delivery when you don’t want to or aren’t ready to be a parent is not a matter of comfort and convenience. Going to the gynecologist for a medical procedure is not comfortable, although abortion is not the blood-soaked, pain-filled nightmare antis like to say it is. It is certainly not convenient to drive 4 hours for a simple, outpatient procedure and in some states it is becoming a weeks-long process with clinics closing and mandatory clinic visits for counseling followed by mandated waiting periods.

What got me to thinking about this was actually being on the sidewalk this week. It wasn’t raining when I arrived but it started coming down pretty hard part of the way through the morning. As I was taking off my vest to put on my poncho, one of the antis felt the need to lecture me about worrying about my own comfort while babies were being murdered. I have never been admonished for putting on rain gear, but I guess there is a first time for everything. Of course, this particular anti was standing under both an umbrella and the awning so she was clearly worried about her own comfort. It is easy to dismiss others need for comfort and convenience when it is not your own. I am pretty sure that the anti who sat in her car to talk on the phone for 10 minutes did so because it is inconvenient to replace your cell phone because it got wet. I am also pretty sure the protester in the expensive-looking suit who spent the entire morning standing under the awning of a business down the block  without ever stepping out did so because it would be quite uncomfortable to walk around in wet clothing at work for a couple of hours.

The other C-word antis don’t grasp is “compassion.”  Compassion is what I saw from the escorts. People do not get up early in the morning, week after week, to volunteer to walk with strangers to a medical appointment to try to limit harassment without it. Compassion is not shown by repeating the same lines, like a script in a movie, to every person who walks into a clinic. Compassion is not shown by demanding loudly that complete strangers share their reproductive decisions with you. Compassion is not shown by dismissing the many reasons people choose to have an abortion. Compassion is not shown by vague promises of resources that people don’t want and may not be delivered. Compassion is not shown when women who regret their own abortions come out under the guise of preventing other women from feeling the same thing, only to talk all about themselves and their guilt rather than listening.

Compassion is understanding that every person on that sidewalk has their own story. Compassion is understanding that those stories are deeply personal and do not have to be shared with strangers to justify walking into a doctor’s office. Compassion is understanding that shouting an arsenal of anti-choice talking points through a clinic door does not change the reason people are there. Compassion is understanding that people choose abortion for a variety of reasons that can’t always be solved with a free pregnancy test, a non-diagnostic ultrasound, some diapers and Bible classes. Compassion is understanding that women are people with feelings, dreams, lives and problems rather than simply potential fetus containers.

If you have hung with me this far, I will be brief in saying I have my own C-word for what is happening outside clinics and inside our legislative chambers to restrict people’s rights to make their own decisions about health care. It is crap.

14 thoughts on “C-Words ~ by KYBorn

  1. Another ‘c’ word that you’re missing is ‘coercion.’ Because the nutjobs somehow believe both that most women get abortions for their own convenience and that most women who have abortions have been coerced into it.

    • Hi LisaC,
      I think the “coercion” myth comes into play because they can’t relieve the guilt of those guilt-tripped into “post-abortion healing” without giving them someone else to blame. After all, you can’t just tell women they are evil whores who had abortions for comfort and convenience, so they now become victims. Of course, coercing women into pregnancy is A-OK (and legal).
      It is just more flawed anti logic, much like when they claim that abortion causes infertility as well as that women are using abortion for birth control. I haven’t figured out how that works either.

    • sand1878,
      I wish I could take full credit for it, but it is actually my paraphrase of an anti troll I once saw commenting on a board about the contraceptive mandate.
      KYBorn

  2. “I have never been admonished for putting on rain gear, but I guess there is a first time for everything.” Sorry to say, this made me laugh. Loud enough to wake one of the cats. Thank you for standing with the clients and their companions, to mention my favorite “C” words. Thank you for writing this!

    • lisajane13,
      I am flattered that you laughed hard enough to wake the one of the cats. I wish I could think of more C-words but I’m afraid I’m all out.
      KYBorn

      • “Compliments” to you on your “Creative” “Critique” of the “Calumniators.”

  3. To add to the c word count. I concur completely. Thank you for clearly conveying and please continue to contribute. 😉

    I was uncomfortable and wet right along with you that morning. Thanks for standing with us comrade.

    • KYCat,
      Thank you for standing with them far more often than I am able to. It has been a while, but not so long ago that I don’t remember what it was like to be that girl who had never used a parking meter or driven on a 3 lane interstate. If I had to do all that on top of dealing with a pregnancy, I think my head would have exploded. I will always have a lot of sympathy for clients who drive from all over the state, and the people who make it far more hellish than it has to be.
      KYBorn

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