Things that Make Me Laugh ~ Almost

This doesn’t start off funny ~ bear with me.

Recently, seasoned veteran escort, R, and I stood by as a small life vignette unfolded in the AWC parking (the anti-abortion clinic.)

The woman and her companion were walking and they cut through the parking lot of the antis’ clinic.  “T” was out there and walked toward the woman, greeted her by taking her arms, as if welcoming her.

Clearly, they knew each other.

“T” was talking and shaking her head, no.   Gesturing, exhorting.  “No.”

The woman listened.  She hung her head.  Shook her head, “No.”  She smiled. And she cried.

Then the woman talked.  Theresa listened, and talked, and smiled, and the woman smiled, and cried again.

The companion waited.

R and I waited.

We couldn’t hear what was said, and didn’t need to.  The woman knew we were there.

I have no idea what drama was unfolding.  I don’t need to know.

Smiles and tears, and at the end, the woman crosses the parking lot and walks to the clinic.  The real clinic.  And disappears inside.

I saw her face, ineffably weary.

As she gets to the door, Donna begins haranguing her.   Angry, I say, “She just got through talking to “T” for a long time,” I say.  “For a long time.  Leave her alone.”

I don’t know why I did it, it just made Donna mad.  “I can still talk to her if I want to, it doesn’t matter if “T” talked to her already, I can still talk to her.”

I don’t think it mattered anyhow.  I don’t think the woman even heard Donna.  I think it just bothered me.

And I shook it off, because clearly, the woman knew “T” and I guess she knew she’d be there and so she ~ the client ~ did whatever she needed to do.  But later that morning, as the day is winding down,

“T” walks by R and me.  says, “God still loves you ~ no matter HOW mean and nasty you are, God still loves you.”

THAT made me laugh.  Really?  Isn’t it wonderful how she found a “Christian” way to tell us she thinks we’re mean and nasty?

Of course, I don’t think I’d actually done anything mean and nasty to her that particular day.  In fact, I guess I think that in a mean and nasty contest, she’d beat me 6 days out of 7.  At least.  Hands down.

But I’m not going to argue the point.  I guess she really thinks that what she says is true.  So I just shrug and go on my mean and nasty way.

Even more amazing, is the experience R had recently.  She had approached a car across the street.  One of the new anti’s had followed her, a young woman who carries her Bible like a sword.

Two people get out of the car, yes, they’re going to the clinic.

introduces herself, begins to explain who she is, to offer ~ and Bible Girl interrupts her.  SHE says to the client, “If she’s harrassing you, you can tell her to leave you alone.”

You can imagine ~ R’s jaw drops open in shock for a minute ~ really?  REALLY?  “If I’m harrassing her?” she says ~ then sighs.

“If I’m harassing you, you can tell me to leave you alone, and I’ll walk away.  I’m a volunteer, I escort people to their doctor appointment…” she says and they go on from there.

But that one still cracks me up.  WTF, right?

How does that work?  How can she ~ Bible Girl ~ say that with a straight face?

But then I read where Tom Smith, running for office in Pennsylvania, said this:

MARK SCOLFORO, ASSOCIATED PRESS: How would you tell a daughter or a granddaughter who, God forbid, would be the victim of a rape, to keep the child against her own will? Do you have a way to explain that?

SMITH: I lived something similar to that with my own family. She chose life, and I commend her for that. She knew my views. But, fortunately for me, I didn’t have to.. she chose they way I thought. No don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t rape.

SCOLFORO: Similar how?

SMITH: Uh, having a baby out of wedlock.

SCOLFORO: That’s similar to rape?

SMITH: No, no, no, but… put yourself in a father’s situation, yes. It is similar. But, back to the original, I’m pro-life, period.*

And again, I’m mind-boggled.

He’s sincere.  For real.  This is what he thinks.  His daughter having a baby out of wedlock is similar, for him, to if she’d been raped.

How does that work????

Amazing.  Just amazing.


So now I’m thinking, when anti’s say mean things about me, there’s only one thing left to do.  I’m gonna look ’em straight in the eye and say, with feeling,

“I know you are, but what am I?’ in my best PeeWee Herman voice.

Or, going even farther back, “I am rubber, you are glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”

That should put ’em in their place, right?


Not calm, focused, and purposeful enough?  Not de-escalating?

Really?  Are you sure?

Sigh… Okay. I guess you’re right. But I’ll be THINKING it.  For sure, I’ll be thinking it. And smiling.


You can read more about Tom Smith, and hear his rape/unmarried comparison here:


REMINDER: If you are interested in escorting, don’t forget the training on September 8th at 9A.  Training is not required, but it’s helpful. Please see our Trainings for Escorts page or email us for additional information.

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