Tag Archives: Rape Culture

Points of Unity ~ Part I

Posted on by
10

Escorts are a group of individuals who volunteer to accompany patients and their companions to the clinic.  The Points of Unity define what we do and hold us accountable.

We’re not an organization.  The clinic doesn’t train us.  We don’t sign up to escort and we aren’t scheduled for particular days.  People start coming when they feel the urge.  They come when they want to, for as long as they want to.

If someone quits coming ~ gets too busy, moves away, has a work schedule that interferes ~ they may still “be an escort.”  They’re just not spending time on the sidewalk right now.  If they don’t want to “be an escort” anymore, then they aren’t.   It’s that simple.

The Points of Unity are what hold us together.  In any situation, if we’re not sure of the “right” thing to do, the Points of Unity guide us.

At the training we’re doing May 9th in preparation for Mother’s Day, we’re going to review the Points of Unity.  I love doing this in a group of escorts, because they mean something a little different to each of us.  We’re not going to get into all that at the training ~ I promise ~ but it did get me started thinking about  how I interpret them.

So I’m going to do a series of blog posts unpacking them, exploring what they mean to me.  I invite my fellow escorts, who will see shades of difference, to share their thoughts as well, either in comments or a blog post of their own.

The first point of unity is:

* Escorts must gain consent from every client every time.

On a concrete level, this means that every time I approach a car with a client in it, I say something like, “Hi, I’m a volunteer with the clinic.  Would you like us to walk with you?”

Different escorts have their own variations on that, for well-thought-out reasons, but we each say “Would you like us to walk with you?”  And we wait for a response.

We ask the client rather than the companion whenever possible, and we look to the client for the response.  Sometimes the companion will say, “Nah, we’re fine,” and the client will be frantically nodding her head “Yes!!!”   Guess what we do when that happens.

Yes, of course we walk with them, unless the client takes the consent back.

But if the client says, “No, we’re fine,” then what do you think we do?  Yep.  We step back so they can walk without us beside them.

Sometimes we have to follow a little bit behind them, waving off other escorts who would otherwise step out to accompany them.  So it can be an interesting sight.

The client and the companion walking with several chasers attached to their sides, us a little bit behind them, and a series of escorts who walk toward them, see us waving them off, and step back to leave them alone.

Sometimes, part way up the sidewalk, the client or companion change their minds and ask us to join them.  It may be just a panic stricken look and a quick, “Yes, we do!”  Of course, then we step forward and join them.

Other times they walk to the door apparently quite comfortable, clearly unscathed by the scolding, shaming strategies of the chasers.   That’s kind of a warm-fuzzy moment for us.

Those are the technical aspects of getting consent.  On a more abstract level, “consent” is what most separates us from the antis ~ and from rape culture.  We’ve written dozens of blog posts about this because it is at the heart of who escorts are and what we do.

Most of the stories we tell involve the lack of consent from clients to the approaches of the protesters.  If the clients wanted to be lectured at as they walked to the clinic, if they welcomed the protesters, if they said, “Oh, yes, please share your religious beliefs with me during this part of my life journey,” then there would be no need for escorts.

{And I have to pause a moment to laugh at that mental image.  Wouldn’t that be fun?  if all the clients one day, as the chasers approached, greeted them, welcomed them, let them babble on, and strolled into the clinic untouched by their poison ~ can you imagine?  How baffled the protesters would be!

Ok, never mind, I’m sorry.  That was a moment of complete insanity on my part… now back to our regularly scheduled blog post.}

But you get my point, right?  I  won’t tell more stories about consent here ~ all of our stories ~ what we do ~ is based on the fact that the antis interact with clients in intrusive, invasive ways without their consent.  Otherwise, we wouldn’t need to be there.

Now ~ because pictures are powerful ~ here’s another image from the Saturday before Easter.  At this point, most of the clients were in the clinic.

The woman holding the sign, who’s a regular, kept saying, “Be careful, don’t block the whole sidewalk, you can’t block the whole sidewalk or they’ll call the police.”  You can see another, smaller prayer circle gathered under the awning up the sidewalk.

I’m reminded of the morning a new anti approached us and announced that he wanted to pray for us.  He wanted to know if there was something we wanted him to pray for, for us.   It kind of amused me, like I would ask him to pray for me?  But I guess that was his idea of getting consent.

We said no.  But in retrospect, I guess I could have asked him to pray that all the antis left the sidewalk and went to do something truly helpful for humanity.  Or would that have been one of those snarky comments that I’m better off not saying…

Anyhow, if you’re interested in escorting, particularly if you’re willing to hold space on the Saturday before Mother’s Day, don’t forget the training on May 9th at 6:00.  It’s not required, but it’s helpful.

REMINDER: Our annual  fund drive Pledge-A-Picketer is NOW!
The Sunday before Mother’s Day is the biggest protester day of the year.  It also is the date  where we count protesters for donations to support the pro-choice effort and the escorts.  You can pledge a certain amount for each protester showing up that morning. If you prefer, you can also make a straight monetary donation.

Use this form to make your pledge:

 

The Anti’s Talk On {Part II – The Rest of the Story}

Posted on by
5

So this was two Saturdays ago now, and i was still feeling good about how L and I had ignored the talkative protester until he went away.  I walk another couple of women up the sidewalk.  As I come back down, I see L and R, both female, who are half-surrounded by the group of male newbie protesters.

I hear R say, “NO!  NO!! NO ~ we DON’T have to talk to you!  We were having a private conversation ~ WE were,” and she points from herself to L and back again, “and you rudely jumped in…”

And one young guy protester says, “You’re the one being rude, you won’t listen to us.”

I think that R might explode with anger, but she just says, “NO!  WE were talking.  WE were having a conversation.  YOU interrupted.”

Another young protester guy says, “Well, but there’s no reason we can’t talk to each other,” and I realize he’s the same one who wouldn’t leave me alone a couple of weeks ago.  ”I mean, we’re both out here on the sidewalk…”

“NO,” says R, and L chimes in, “WE’RE having a private conversation, we don’t have to talk to you…”

and he continues, as if they haven’t said anything, “We’d LOVE to talk to you about the gospel of Christ,”

and I just shake my head.  Good grief.

“We’ve tried moving away from you,” says  L, “and you’re following us.  That’s harassment. If you keep it up, we’re going to call the police.”

Several other escorts are close by now, and T, who is a young male escort, gets out his phone.  I was going to call, but it would have taken me five minutes to peel off my layers of gloves and mittens to use the touch screen.  T hands me his energy drink to hold, and quickly calls.  He calls the police department directly, not 911.

As T talks, or tries to talk, the protesters continue, loudly insistent that we need to talk to them, need to listen to them, need to not be rude to them.

L and R move away again.  The protesters follow.

Another couple who actually have an appointment at the clinic come around the corner; D and I break away to walk with them.  I realize I have T’s energy drink with me, but it’s too late to give it back.

We walk up, and make it back to our corner pretty quickly.  T is off the phone, and I give him back his energy drink, which he he takes from me like it was his long lost lover.  ”I just looked up,” he says, “and it was gone!”  He adds reproachfully, “I thought, ‘damn, can’t trust anybody these days!’”   I have to laugh.

The anti’s have stepped away a little bit, and I join L and R, ’cause now I want to hear the conversation they were having.

But R’s still in mid-story when the police show up.  Two police cars, and the officers get out right away.

R and L explain what had happened, and the one guy, the one who’d been the pushiest, is right there ready to argue.  But one of the officers moves away with him, and steps around the corner to talk to him and the other new protesters.

The other officer stays to remind us that they’re limited in what they can do, although they agree, the protesters can’t follow us around trying to talk to us.  If we say no and move away once, they’re supposed to leave us alone.

Which we already knew, although we don’t mind hearing it again.  We point out that these guys are new, and don’t know the rules yet – and for sure, won’t listen to us!

I don’t hear what the police say to the protesters, and don’t need to.  Whatever they say, it’s enough.   This group of anti’s leave us alone the rest of the morning.  Which was all we wanted in the first place.

So I’ll say what I was thinking that first week, when new guy insisted on talking to me.  This is a good example of rape culture.

No, it’s not rape, and I’m not suggesting it’s like being raped, because it’s not.  But clearly it reflects rape culture.

The protesters believe that what they want carries more weight than the fact that we don’t want it.  That their urge to talk to us is more important, that it takes precedence over us saying ‘no, leave us alone.’

They believe that they’re entitled to insist on getting their way no matter how many times we say no.

That’s how rape culture works ~ consent is not a factor, and my “no” doesn’t mean “no” to them.

*********************************************

So, here’s the thing about escorting  ~ one of the things about escorting.  Just when I’m feeling comfortably self-righteous, something busts my bubble.  If I had only published this before last week, it would have been great.

But last week, i watched one of us, an escort, someone I like and respect, get so angry that they buttonholed a protester ~ it was A, the seminarian ~ and insist he answer a question.  My friend kept talking to him, ignoring his relatively polite efforts to end the conversation.

Sigh.

It’s what I love and hate about escorting.  It constantly calls me to check myself.  ’Cause it could just as easily have been me transgressing the points of unity, there on the corner.  Trying to talk to a protester isn’t my style, but I’ve been known to yell at them ~ not lately, thank goodness, but it could happen again.

More often, I’ll make a really snarky comment about them while they’re close by.  Yeah.  Intended for them to hear.  It’s not helpful.  Feels real good in the moment, but not helpful in the long run at all.

Maybe I’ll give that up for Lent…

Reproductive Justice is the Antidote to Rape Culture

Posted on by
15

Recently there has been a lot of attention paid to a tactic a group of anti-choice protesters outside of EMW Women’s Surgical Center in Louisville KY is using to deceive the clients trying to access abortion services. Louisville’s Clinic escorts (volunteers provide emotional and tactical support to clients entering the clinic) wear orange vests that say ‘Clinic Escort’ identifying themselves to clients. In the last month the anti-choice protesters have begun wearing remarkably similar vests, the only difference is the wording on the vest: ‘clinic escort’ vs. ‘life escort’. In this post I want to explore the intersection of Rape Culture and anti-choice activism highlighting the places were reproductive and sexual health meet the reality of our cultural norms.

Louisville's Clinic escorts vests

liar

Rape culture is defined as the cultural normalization of sexual violence. We see this in the social context of blaming the rape survivor for the rape; they were asking for it because they attended a party or had a few beers. Our court system routinely blames survivors of domestic violence for staying in abusive situations without providing viable options for those seeking refuge. Melissa McEwan has an awesome Rape Culture 101 post with lots of examples of what rape culture looks like including this gem of a paragraph.


“Rape culture is 1 in 6 women being sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. Rape culture is not even talking about the reality that many women are sexually assaulted multiple times in their lives. Rape culture is the way in which the constant threat of sexual assault affects women’s daily movements. Rape culture is telling girls and women to be careful about what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you’re alone, if you’re with a stranger, if you’re in a group, if you’re in a group of strangers, if it’s dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you’re carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you’re wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who’s around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who’s at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defense, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn’t follow all the rules it’s your fault.”


An example of rape culture being utilized as social control against women and LGBT people can be seen in the 2009 horrifying gang rape and murder of Eudy Simelane, an out lesbian footballer in Kwa Thema, a suburb of Johannesburg South Africa.

The motive for the attack was “corrective” in nature, that is, culturally sanctioned sexual violence in order to enforce heteronormativity. The Guardian reported “What we’re seeing is a spike in the numbers of women coming to us having been raped and who have been told throughout the attack that being a lesbian was to blame for what was happening to them,” said Vanessa Ludwig, the chief executive at Triangle. The goal of the rapists is social conformity to the broader misogynistic paradigm, or in other words the heteronormative, enforced gender binary with women’s bodies and supporters of women’s bodies the target of socially condoned sexual violence and intimidation.

Dr. George Tiller

Now, let’s turn to the sidewalk in front of EMW Women’s Surgical Center in Louisville KY. Five days a week, protesters chase women and their families from their cars to the door of the clinic, yelling at them, calling them murders and whores, in general harassing them. The anti-choice protesters view themselves as peaceful, information bearers. They genuinely believe they have been ordained/ instructed by God to minister to these women. And while they certainly have the right to speak their mind and oppose abortion, we move squarely into the realm of rape culture when there is no place between the interactions of anti-choice protesters and the women to consent to the interaction. We move even further down the continuum of disempowerment and social control when women clearly DO NOT CONSENT to the interaction. Routinely clients will say something along the lines of “Please Leave ME ALONE” and the anti-choicers continue to aggressively impede their progress, thus crossing the line between free speech and assault.

white male privilege says "yes, you can and are"



The first week the anti-choice protesters showed up wearing their very deceptive vests one of the regular chasers told a group of escorts they (the anti-choicers) were simply trying to “level the playing field”. Which I feel is one of the most disgusting displays of social privilege I have witnessed in my 10 years of escorting in Louisville. What I think this young woman was trying to get across is that they feel entitled to the time and attention of the women entering the abortion clinic for reproductive health care services, and that if it is necessary to be physically imposing to do so, obfuscation and misinformation are appropriate tools to such an end. This entitlement is at the core of rape culture. The attitude that the bodies of women and queers are fair game as a battle field for social conformity is exactly the place where reproductive justice and rape culture intersect. Eudy Simelane and Dr. Tiller’s bodies were destroyed in attempts to isolate and stigmatize the ‘other’.

Tim Tomeny and another bully stand as close to the door as they legally can. from these posts they jump out at clients, shove or trip escorts and sometimes snap pictures. nice guys, real nice.

Well, we are all the ‘other’. There is no ‘other’. Rape Culture hurts us all. Rape is a tool of war. Gender equity is destroyed by rape. And the only way to combat these evils is to fight for the autonomy and empowerment of all people.